Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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