Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
