i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
