Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
