I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
