I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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