Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
