yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
