I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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