there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
