so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
