We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
