just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
