shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
