dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
