tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
