you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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