Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
