i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
