I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
