the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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