its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
