I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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