That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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