I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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