I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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