Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
