I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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