I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
