Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
