I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
