Apparently you make a good broom.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
this boner is exhausting
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
