At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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