the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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