i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
