next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
