I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
