i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
