The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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