K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
MIDGETS
????
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
