would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
