Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
