I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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