it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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