There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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