FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
