oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
