I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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