Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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