i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
